Fighting fit

It’s not that controversial to say you should keep your body in good shape because you owe it to yourself. But the problem with that is that you get to decide what you owe to yourself. So if you don’t want to keep fit, that’s entirely your choice. Sounds ok? I'm not so sure.

It’s part of the modern liberal attitude to say that you have completely free choice as an individual, and, while I often agree with that line, it conveniently ignores any obligations you might have to others. Most of us don’t live in total isolation, and that is a very good thing. But it brings with it, among the many advantages, certain responsibilities.

Consider yourself as a person who likes to eat unhealthy food and not exercise (whether or not you actually are like that). If you want to continue to live in that way, it seems right to say you should be able to. But then consider yourself as the friend, relative or partner of such a person. See what I mean? There are two things that are particularly hard about being in this situation, so let’s have a look at those.

The first is that it’s hard to watch someone you care about engaging in self-destructive behaviour. Watching them chip away at their health and their future little by little, all the while making excuses to themselves that it’s not that bad, they deserve this little treat, they’ll do better from tomorrow, or from next week…It’s a hard thing to see.

The second is that, if someone is living like they don’t want to live for very long, it feels like they don’t want to live for very long with you. This is especially true if the person in question is your partner or parent, but it is true to some extent for anyone you are close to. Now this is of course a very selfish way of looking at another’s suffering. I wouldn't dream of saying, for example, that someone suicidal should have a bit more concern for their friends and family. But neither would I condemn those friends and family for feeling angry with them; it is a natural response. The same is true here, albeit to a lesser extent. It isn't as though someone living unhealthily is deliberately disregarding their loved ones’ feelings, but that does not mean that those feelings don’t exist.

So, as someone who is close to someone who is living unhealthily, you feel depressed and angry, helpless that you can’t change that, and scared of the future with a loved one who might become increasingly ill, then no longer be there for you at all. Now go back to thinking from the point of view of the person living unhealthily. Now you know how those around you feel. Does it still seem like it’s completely fine to choose to live this way?

As I said, I would not dream of condemning a suicidal person for not thinking about their friends and family. They usually do think about them a great deal, but it is part of the nature of most of the situations and medical conditions that lead to suicidal thoughts that you can’t rationally take note of how much others need and care about you, and choose to change accordingly. In some cases, I believe that the same may be true about an unhealthy lifestyle. I am no expert, but there are health problems and drug regimes that increase appetite, or make exercise difficult or impossible, or both. There may well also be psychiatric conditions such as food addiction. People in the grip of these tragedies are not the people I am talking about.

I am talking about people who have made a choice to live an unhealthy lifestyle in the belief that it is exactly that – their choice – and that as such, no-one else has a say. My argument is that these people are failing to take into account the extent to which others depend on them and/or care about them.

This still feels a bit uncomfortable. It seems to give other people a say in what you do with your body. Do they get to choose what you wear, who you have sex with, whether you get a tattoo? Don’t worry; I absolutely don’t think that your friends and relatives get to choose those things for you! So what’s the difference?

Well, none of those things will result in increasing disability, followed by premature death, while an unhealthy lifestyle may well do. Your responsibilities to others do not include being a different person than you are. You can be there for them, both emotionally and in more practical ways, regardless of how you dress, etc. If your choices in those respects make them unhappy, then so be it. Those things are a part of your identity; they don’t have the right to ask you to change.

Can’t an unhealthy lifestyle be a part of your identity in much the same way? Well yes, but not all things that are a part of your identity are ok. Being a serial killer could be a part of who you are too, but other people definitely have a right to want you to be different in that case! Things that have a destructive effect on others are not traits that you have exclusive ownership of, and your health is one of those things. The people you form close relationships with have a say in how those relationships play out, and that is profoundly affected by your physical condition. So, to the extent that you are able to control it, you should keep yourself as well as you can for your loved ones, as well as for yourself.

I started out by saying that you owe it to yourself to stay in good shape, and I still think that is of primary importance. Your relationship with yourself is one of the most (if not the most) important relationships you will ever have, after all! However, for the vast majority of people, you also have important relationships to others. You not only owe it to yourself to stay reasonably fit, but you owe it to them too.