Why
do people like wearing clothes that they like? Sounds like that’s answered its
own question – because they like them – but some people don’t seem to understand
that.
A
while ago a friend of mine said that she would happily buy a new dress even if
she didn't have anywhere to wear it to. She would be happy just wearing it
alone in her flat. Most people found this weird. I think it makes perfect sense
(if you like clothes. Clearly not everybody will or should feel the same way).
I
think this is basically the same as someone buying a painting. You hang it in
your flat, and you don’t have to wait for other people to come round and see it
before you start appreciating having it. You might enjoy showing it off if you’re
that sort of person and it’s that sort of painting, but there’s no reason you
have to. Most people don’t find this nearly so hard to understand, so why don’t
they think the same about clothes?
The
common idea seems to be that people who care about what they wear dress the way
they do in order to get attention. Normally people mean sexual attention, but
they can also just mean general “look at me!” attention. But that can’t be
right. Women in particular often get a lot of attention that they don’t enjoy
at all (again, mostly sexual) for what they wear, but continue to dress the
same ways. For many people (although of course not all) the kind of attention
their clothing brings them is a real cost. There has to be a benefit to
outweigh this and make them keep dressing up. In fact I often think that if I
had an invisibility cloak, one of the first things I would do is go shopping
and buy some of the clothes I never wear because it would attract attention I
would hate, but which I actually think I would look and feel good in. I can’t
be entirely alone in that thought.
Clothing
choices are partly expressive of who you are and how you feel (or at the very least
of your taste in clothes) but that doesn't mean those expressions need an
audience (or at least not always). I swear when I stub my toe, even if no-one’s
there. It’s expressive and it makes me feel better. Everyone knows it’s fun to
dance when no-ones watching. It’s expressive and it makes you feel better.
Having a painting hung on your wall, even if no-one else sees it, if you are
the sort of person who is into art, is expressive and makes you feel better. So
it makes perfect sense that wearing an outfit that you like is also expressive
and makes you feel better, regardless of whether anyone sees you wearing it.
This
might not be true if no-one ever saw
you. But that’s pretty hard to imagine. You probably wouldn't do any of the
things in that last paragraph either, because if you never met other people,
you probably wouldn't even know what swearing or dancing or paintings were!
Sometimes
you
might wear clothes to get a particular kind of attention. The same is true of
swearing, dancing, or hanging paintings on your wall. Any of them might be
explicitly meant to say something to people in general, or someone in
particular. The point is just that they need not. It makes perfect sense to
enjoy wearing a nice outfit on your own.
There
are various consequences of accepting this. One is that if you are going to be
at home on your own all day and would rather dress up than dress down, you can,
and that’s not weird. Another is that if someone says you’re only dressing a
certain way to get attention, and that’s not true, you can say so and have
every right to be believed. Another is that if you get unwanted attention, you
have every right to be annoyed. They don’t get to say you were asking for it,
because the main reason for wearing what you do is just that you like it, and
the fact that they happen to be there is irrelevant at best. A final happy
consequence is that you don’t need an excuse to buy a new outfit, other than
that you like it. No more “I have nowhere to wear it”. So what? Unless you are
spending the rest of your like as a nudist, you have somewhere to wear it.
Wearing
things you like can make you feel good. It’s not for everyone. Some people
couldn't care less what they wear, some would rather wear nothing at all
whenever that’s comfortable and legal, and others spend most of their time
somewhere that there’s a uniform code. That’s all well and good, but for people
who do make choices about what to wear, wearing things you like can make you
feel more relaxed, more complete, more attractive (even if there’s no-one
around you actually want to attract), and just more like yourself. There’s no
reason to stop wanting that just because no-one else can see you. You don’t
cease to exist when you are by yourself, so your taste in clothes doesn't need
to either.
